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The Spectrum Within the Spectrum: Why Every Neurodivergent Experience is Unique

No Two Neurodivergent People Are the Same

A common misconception about Autism and ADHD is the belief that all individuals with these conditions share the same traits, challenges, and behaviors. However, the truth is that if you’ve met one neurodivergent person, you’ve only met that one person. The diversity within neurodivergence is vast, and assuming uniformity can be both misleading and harmful.

The Harm of Stereotyping Neurodivergent Individuals

Generalizing neurodivergent individuals can create damaging misconceptions. Some people may assume that an autistic person must struggle with eye contact, or that every person with ADHD is hyperactive. These assumptions lead to two key issues:

1. Misplaced Expectations: People may wrongly believe that an individual will struggle with certain tasks or interactions when they actually do not.
2. Invalidation of Lived Experience: If a neurodivergent person does not display behaviors expected by others, they may not be believed or taken seriously when they express their difficulties.

These stereotypes contribute to prejudice and can make it harder for neurodivergent individuals to receive the accommodations and understanding they need.

Environment and Upbringing Shape Neurodivergent Expression

Many neurodivergent traits are influenced by environment, upbringing, and personal experiences. For example, an autistic person may fear dogs because of a specific traumatic event in childhood, but another autistic person may love dogs and seek their companionship. Nobody is born with an inherent aversion to particular things—rather, experiences shape individual responses and preferences.

Similarly, two individuals with ADHD may experience executive dysfunction differently depending on their support systems, cultural backgrounds, and coping mechanisms developed over time.

Unique Stims for Unique Individuals

A stim (short for self-stimulatory behavior) is a repetitive action or movement that helps regulate emotions, focus, or sensory input. Stimming is a key part of both Autism and ADHD, and it can take countless forms, including:

• Rocking back and forth
• Tapping fingers or feet
• Playing with textures or small objects
• Repeating certain words or phrases
• Listening to the same song on repeat

Just as people have favorite colors or movies, stims are highly individualized and unique to each neurodivergent person. Assuming all autistic or ADHD individuals share the same stims can erase the personal significance of these behaviors and the comfort they provide.

Understanding Social Concepts

One of the most damaging misconceptions is that all neurodivergent individuals are incapable of understanding social structures, hierarchies, or trends. While some autistic and ADHD individuals may struggle with certain social nuances, many do not.

• Some neurodivergent people actively study social cues, learning them just as someone might study a foreign language.
• Others may be naturally adept at understanding rapport, group dynamics, and professional hierarchies.
• Many neurodivergent individuals enjoy social gatherings but may need to engage on their own terms to avoid overstimulation.

Assuming that all neurodivergent individuals are socially unaware can lead to exclusion and isolation. When neurodivergent people are preemptively left out of social opportunities due to assumptions about their abilities, they miss out on meaningful connections and experiences.

Individuality Over Shared Diagnosis

Creating spaces for neurodivergent individuals may sound like an inclusive and supportive effort, but such initiatives must be approached with caution. Every neurodivergent person has unique needs and interests, and being grouped together solely based on a shared diagnosis does not guarantee compatibility or common ground.

Two people with ADHD or autism may have entirely different perspectives, coping mechanisms, and worldviews. Additionally, overly segregated spaces can risk sliding toward a eugenics-adjacent mindset, where neurodivergent individuals are separated from neurotypical ones under the guise of being 'separate but equal.' True inclusivity means allowing for both neurodivergent-specific support systems and integrated environments where everyone can coexist and collaborate without forced categorization.

The term autism originates from the Greek word autos, meaning "self." This etymology reinforces that autistic individuals are primarily driven by their own thoughts, emotions, and internal logic rather than external social narratives.

The assumption that all neurodivergent individuals will automatically connect with each other is a reflection of neurotypical (or allistic) thinking that prioritizes shared social experiences. While some neurodivergent people may find common ground, others may have little in common beyond their diagnosis, highlighting the importance of respecting personal differences rather than forcing cohesion.

Advocating for Individuality and Open-Mindedness

Neurodivergent individuals can advocate for their own personhood by openly sharing their unique perspectives and needs. Setting boundaries, self-advocating for accommodations, and challenging misconceptions in daily interactions can help shift societal understanding. Finding supportive communities, whether in-person or online, also empowers neurodivergent people to embrace their identity without feeling pressured to conform to neurotypical expectations.

At the same time, neurotypical individuals can benefit from being more open-minded about neurodivergence. Instead of assuming all autistic or ADHD individuals share the same struggles or strengths, recognizing personal variation can lead to greater relatability and mutual understanding. Many neurodivergent people have rich social lives, emotional intelligence, and shared interests with neurotypicals—building bridges rather than reinforcing differences fosters genuine connection and inclusion.