Masking and Burnout: How Societal Expectations Impact Neurodivergent Individuals

Discovering Difference

Many neurodivergent individuals don’t immediately realize they are different until they are told so or are excluded from social groups. There is often an expectation that shared human experiences are universal, but for autistic and ADHD individuals, this assumption can be challenged early in life when they begin to notice that their perspectives, interests, and reactions do not align with those around them.

The Development of Masking

Not every autistic or ADHD person masks, and whether or not masking behaviors develop largely depends on how a neurodivergent person is accepted and perceived by their community. Masking often emerges when an individual is introduced to an unfamiliar social environment or when their special interests diverge from what is socially acceptable.

Socioeconomic and cultural differences can also set the stage for masking by either limiting access to shared interests or making assimilation difficult. For example, a neurodivergent person who grows up in a community with different religious or spiritual beliefs or in an environment where wealth dictates social experiences may feel pressured to create multiple masks in an effort to fit in. This constant reshaping of identity can lead to a disjointed sense of self, reinforcing the feeling that there will never be a perfect fit.

The Burden of Constant Masking

Masking can be compared to attending a costume party where everyone was told to dress up and expects their costume choice to be celebrated within the context of community values and pop culture. However, for a neurodivergent person, the costume isn’t optional. They are expected to wear it every day, in every situation, while those around them exist comfortably as themselves.

Another way to imagine masking is to recall a time when you forgot to wear a belt, or when your hair refused to stay put. You spent the day adjusting your clothing or constantly checking the mirror, feeling self-conscious about how others perceived you. For neurodivergent individuals, this heightened sense of self-awareness never fades. It extends beyond clothing and appearance to every aspect of communication and interaction—how they talk, dress, consume media, and express opinions. The constant effort to meet expectations becomes exhausting over time.

Burnout: The Consequence of Full-Time Masking

Long-term masking often leads to burnout, a state of exhaustion where the neurodivergent individual feels they have exhausted all possible ways to conform. This can be compounded by cognitive dissonance, where an individual struggles to distinguish between behaviors driven by masking and those that are genuinely their own. Burnout is often accompanied by a withdrawal from social interactions and an overall loss of motivation to continue assimilating into environments that demand too much effort.

Burnout can also manifest in short-term situations. Overstimulation or unexpected changes can trigger a meltdown, which is one of the hallmark behaviors of autism. Though often misunderstood as unnecessary dramatics, meltdowns are actually severe stress responses. The neurological effects can be similar to those of a hallucinogenic drug, leaving the individual in a heightened or disoriented state.

The Consequences of Burnout

The long-term consequences of burnout can be severe, affecting all aspects of life. It can lead to decreased academic performance, job loss, relationship breakdowns, homelessness, or even self-harm. Families and support systems often overlook the risks of burnout, particularly when a neurodivergent person appears to be succeeding in school, work, or relationships. However, many neurodivergent individuals live in a constant state of fear, knowing that a crisis may be just around the corner.

The Path to Unmasking

Unmasking—learning to exist as one’s true self without constant social adaptation—is possible, but it is a process that requires patience. At first, it can feel overwhelming, as neurodivergent individuals must question whether their behaviors and responses are genuine or the result of social conditioning. However, the journey toward unmasking ultimately leads to a more fulfilling and authentic life, free from the exhaustion of constant performance.

Building a society that acknowledges and supports neurodivergent individuals rather than forcing them to conform is key to preventing burnout and fostering inclusion. By creating environments where differences are accepted rather than suppressed, neurodivergent individuals can thrive without the constant need to hide who they truly are.