Common Myths About Autism & ADHD

People with ADHD are just lazy or undisciplined.

The historical roots of Western society, tied to brutal pastoral expansion, set the stage for unrealistic expectations that everyone should aggressively pursue ownership and dominance in all areas of life. Those unable to meet these expectations are often labeled as lazy or undisciplined. These terms imply an archetype of feeble-minded and feeble-bodied individuals who challenge the status quo.

For people with ADHD and autism, executive functioning is dependent upon a dopamine-driven reason to perform a task. If tasks do not align with a neurodivergent person’s interests in a stimulating way, they are unlikely to complete them by an established deadline. Executive functioning, or the ability to start and stop tasks on demand, must always be driven by a self-defined force. This is why "auto" is the root word of "autism." Neurodivergent individuals are not lazy or undisciplined; they simply need self-motivation to exhibit the kind of aggressive work ethic often expected in Western society.

Autistic people lack empathy.

A more accurate description would be that autistic people lack performative empathy but often experience hyper-empathy—the ability to deeply sympathize when it truly matters. Performative empathy, a neurotypical trait, can be confusing and seen as an unnecessary social nicety by neurodivergent individuals.

Examples include the widespread mourning of a well-known celebrity or politician, where people express contrived remorse despite not knowing the deceased. Another example is sadness in movies and TV shows—autistic or ADHD individuals may recognize the emotional weight of a scene but only feel genuine sadness when it personally resonates with them. This can also influence their responses to the death of relatives or pets, where they may see the relief from suffering as more significant than the grief of loss.

You can’t have autism or ADHD if you make eye contact or socialize.

Even high-support-needs autistic individuals are capable of socializing, whether verbal or nonverbal. Social tendencies vary from person to person and fluctuate based on context. A neurodivergent person may make eye contact one day and not on another. Often, they make eye contact as a sign of respect in Western culture, even if it takes all their focus and leaves them unable to process the conversation.

Socializing is inherently difficult for people with autism and ADHD due to challenges such as understanding social cues, knowing what to say, when to speak, and how to interpret unconscious behaviors. Many neurodivergent people desire social interaction, but the difficulties they face should not be used to invalidate their diagnosis.

ADHD is just an excuse for being hyper or inattentive.

Neurotypicals tend to conform to social tempos and focus on the group's point of interest. The idea that one would need an "excuse" to be hyper or inattentive implies that the behavior is intentional. In reality, ADHD affects executive functioning, making hyperactivity and inattentiveness involuntary.

Autistic people don’t want friends or relationships.

Autistic individuals do desire friendships and relationships. However, past trauma, repeated social rejection, and difficulty navigating social norms can make forming connections challenging. Some neurodivergent individuals grow up in supportive environments, maintaining lifelong friendships, while others struggle with the pain of social exclusion.

ADHD meds are just performance enhancers.

Many ADHD medications are stimulants known for enhancing performance. However, their primary function is to help regulate executive functioning in individuals with ADHD. The stigma surrounding stimulant medications, due to their association with illicit drug use, has led to regulatory limitations that often prevent those in need from accessing treatment.

Non-stimulant ADHD medications exist, but their effectiveness varies, and few are approved for autism. Stimulants remain the most effective treatment, though they require careful management to avoid long-term health risks.

Autism is a childhood condition you grow out of.

Autism and ADHD persist throughout life. Parents may feel that their responsibility ends when their child reaches adulthood, but neurodivergent individuals continue to face challenges. High-support-needs autistic individuals often require lifelong care, while those with medium-to-low support needs may not realize their neurodivergence until adulthood. Discovering a diagnosis later in life can be a shock and require significant adjustments.

Only boys have ADHD and autism.

Anyone can have ADHD or autism. However, behaviors typically associated with neurodivergence vary by gender. Boys often exhibit extroverted behaviors such as emotional outbursts and aggression, while girls tend to be more introverted and less disruptive. Because of these differences, girls and women are often underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

People with ADHD and autism can’t be successful.

Success is subjective, and neurotypicals often impose their own definitions of success on neurodivergent individuals. For some, success may mean achieving independent living, while for others, it may be excelling in a profession aligned with their special interests. However, career growth can be difficult due to workplace social expectations and neurodivergent individuals’ struggles with professional networking. Many face job-related stress, feeling trapped in roles that do not align with their interests while being unable to secure positions they are passionate about.

If you don’t look autistic or ADHD, you must not have it.

There is no physical phenotype for autism or ADHD. Due to evolving language and social awareness, outdated terms like "mentally handicapped" have been replaced with more specific diagnostic labels. The overuse of "autism" as an umbrella term has led to misconceptions about its appearance.

While some behavioral traits, such as mouth breathing, have been mistakenly associated with autism, they are often the result of environmental factors rather than neurological conditions. Autism and ADHD exist across a broad spectrum, and there is no single "look" that defines neurodivergence.